My healing journey through trauma
Likely we all have experienced trauma in our lives, even if we don’t necessarily think of it as trauma. Trauma not only alters our life, but it also alters our brain and neural pathways. I have been working with my amazing therapist over the last 6 months on healing from trauma I’ve experienced throughout my life. I wish I would have asked for help earlier in my life, so that the unresolved trauma didn’t manifest itself years later. But…here we are! Although therapy was very uncomfortable for me in the beginning, I’ve really come to love my sessions. I get an abundant amount of growth out of every single session, even though it’s only an hour.
I have a newfound appreciation for myself and the strength I have had throughout the years while dealing with all my health issues. Something my therapist has mentioned is - no matter how long ago you experienced trauma, your body will hold onto that for years until you deal with it. This can manifest itself in making health issues worse, gut issues, depression, etc.
I share such personal experiences because there has been such a stigma around therapy and reaching out for support. I am no longer ashamed of what I’ve gone through, what mistakes I’ve made, and what I’ve done to be a better version of myself. We are human, we are going to make mistakes. But, it’s how we handle those mistakes and learn from them that counts. Even if sharing my story only helps one person, I’m completely content with that.
In my first year of college, I experienced a very traumatic and life-altering experience. This is something that has taken me many years to talk about, but with the help of my therapist, I’ve learned how to reframe it and understand that it was NOT. MY. FAULT. Talking with her about this experience has helped me realize that I’ve been holding onto that trauma for 14 years, and not only has it affected my mental well-being, but it has also impacted my relationships with others. I think over the years, I’ve tried to forget about that experience, I’ve tried to block it out. Little did I realize that I was doing myself a huge disservice.
I have done a lot of EMDR therapy these last 6 months. I am no expert in EMDR therapy, but essentially you focus on three different moments - the past, the present, and the future. You also recognize how your body is feeling during those different times. Is your heart beating faster, are you anxious, are you relaxed? While focusing on these elements, the therapist introduces in some form of stimulation. My therapist uses these 2 small paddles that I hold (one in each hand). She has control to slow down or speed up how quickly the paddles pulse. While the paddles are pulsating, she has me think of the past. Where I was when the traumatic event happened, what that space/environment looked like, how I felt at that time. She then turns off the paddles and I take a deep breath in and out, and share how I’m feeling, where my thought process is, how distressed I am, etc. EMDR therapy is so amazing. I know it sounds too good to be true, but literally in just 1 hour session, I had a completely different outlook on that traumatic event. It’s very difficult to explain how it works, but if you’re interested in learning more, I’d suggest visiting www.emdr.com. There’s a lot of great information out there, so that you’re able to determine what best fits you and your needs.
Am I completely healed? No way! Am I on a journey to healing? 100% yes. The first step is to seek support from others, whether it’s friends, family, a trained therapist, etc. To be honest, I was very skeptical of therapy and how it could truly benefit me. Which is funny, since I have my degree in Psychology. But, it has been such an amazing process to work through different aspects and stressors in my life. It’s crazy how many connections my therapist has made and insight she has given to me. I better understand myself, why I’ve made the decisions I’ve made, and who I am today. Something I’ve really been working on is having self-compassion and self-confidence. These two things have always been difficult for me throughout my life, but I’m excited at the progress I’ve made so far.
If you live in the Salt Lake County area and are at all interested in checking therapy out, feel free to reach out to me and I’d be happy to give you more information on who I see. xoxo
“Often it’s the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.” — Karen Salmansohn
